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March 13, 2018 /
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13Mar2018

One thing that consoles me about getting older is that I have gathered wisdom with my age or at least I hope so!  Like all of us, years of situations and relationships have been great learning experiences and these learning experiences I take into my next situations or relationships.  We learn and gather information and then we try to keep only what is valuable and useful.  That is wisdom to me.  I also have learned that the only sure thing is that NOTHING IS FOR SURE!  Just when you think that the planets are aligning for you and things are going your way, you can blink your eyes and POOF! It all changes!  But the same happens when you think everything is NOT going your way. You might think that everything is going to hell and yet some miracle suddenly happens!

I have been thinking about how this goes for our romantic relationships, too!  Being in a relationship is like playing Russian Roulette.  You can put all your chips on one number and color and you see the ball bouncing around as the roulette spins. There it goes spinning fast.  You can’t really see the numbers but you do see the white ball moving from black to red from 10 to 4 to 16 until finally it stops on a totally different number and totally different color than you chose.  You lose all your chips.  If you are lucky, you are left with one last lucky chip. You feel miserable, lost and a loser. You put that single chip on a random number.  You feel hopeless.  And suddenly, VOILA!!!! You win and the house pays double and you start winning again!!

I love my life and I love my work.   My store gives me the opportunity to talk to so many people. I enjoy talking with couples and asking them how many years they have been married and, of course, I get all different numbers as you can imagine from 1 to 60. I like to ask these couples to reveal the recipe for a long and successful marriage.  You should see the facial expressions I get!  You would think that I am asking them what is going to be the next winning lottery number!

My personal theory about a good relationship is willingness. To me WILLINGNESS encompasses so much; willingness to be patient, willingness to forgive, willingness to be selfless etc. . . . Of course, I hear all the expected answers from couples: good communication, tolerance, open mindedness. We all know this.  However, I think there are a lot of other LOGICAL things that make for successful marriages or partnerships.  Here’s a list!

  1. Having your own bathrooms.
  2. Spending time and engaging with the other’s family.
  3. Enjoying the same restaurants or foods at home.
  4. Loving the same pet.
  5. Having an affinity for the other’s hygiene habits (or non-habits)!
  6. Equally seeing the importance of staying attractive for one another.
  7. Allowing the other to drive in peace with no passenger commentary!
  8. Happily participating in parties or movies or anything the other likes to do (even though the other one doesn’t particularly enjoy it)!
  9. Decide that if politics are discussed, make sure you are on the same page. Otherwise, don’t talk politics.
  10. Having the same moral values.
  11. Biting your tongue when your partner contradicts you in front of your kids.
  12. If one of you needs to talk, let that person talk even if you are fake listening for hours!
  13. If you are a shoe lover, always have enthusiasm for every new pair your partner brings home!

The list can go on and on. Will you help me to increase it?  Write me and let me know what yours are.

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February 22, 2018 /
by
22Feb2018

Phewww!!!!!

Finally, the holidays are over!  Ummm, yea. It has taken me all of this time to finally have all the holiday paraphernalia boxed up and put away in storage!

Speaking for myself, the holidays went by happily and smoothly. No drama, no fights, no uncomfortable dinner . . . well just “poquito.” I did not have issues this year with any immediate family, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends or any ex-in laws, and let’s not forget business related exes!   But I definitely can’t say the same for what I have observed with other people. Every year it is the same.  Holidays seem to bring out the worst in people and relationships.

My mother always said, “How can we expect peace in this world if we can’t have peace in our own families?”  I have to admit that there is much truth in her wise words. When I ask other people how the holidays went for them, they roll their eyes and say things like, “I wanted to kill my sister the entire time” or “My mother was very difficult!” or “One more day of holidays and I would have had to be placed in a mental hospital!” And, of course, I heard multiple times,  “I am glad the holidays are over!”

It’s true that familial relationships are hard.  Sometimes our friends are closer to us than our own siblings.  We can find understanding, compassion and simple friendship in others before we find it in our families so it seems.   The stories I hear about people’s in-laws are mild compared to the stories written by Stephen King!  As human beings we are such unnecessarily complicated creatures!  Most of the time we make our own situations worse than they need to be. We hold grudges from years and years ago and around Christmas times these grudges all take a bigger shape that looms over us and clouding up the festivities.  They are hidden scars, deep inside our brains and hearts and they keep us from enjoying ourselves. They leave us emotionally exhausted and we wonder what the hell is happening!

The great irony is that ultimately we all want the same things:  to enjoy ourselves, each other, to have and to be enough.

The Universe chose that I be raised in a country, city, school and family that was very Catholic.  My Christmas memories are actually very joyful ones. I remember the big nativity that we would put up in our home. I would envision what it would have been like during the time that Christ was born. I remember the grandiose and moving  Christmas Mass at Church. My school used to put up “Posadas” various nights in December. It was so festive!

But, it is not fair for me to compare those memories with what my eyes witness now as an adult.  Adulthood changes everything.  We become involved in the conflicts and the tensions.  As a kid, you are oblivious to this. As adults, we have the pressure of being responsible for the presents, holiday dinners and decorations. We have to make a decision if we are going to do the Canyon Rd walk or not?Or just the lights on the Plaza or dinner first?  Or dinner after?  Should we go to midnight mass? No time? Where should we open presents?  In the car in between one dinner and another?!  It’s too cold out to walk. I don’t have the right shoes like you but I am hungry!!!!! ARGH!

Just for a minute let’s forget about all of the holiday issues.  Close your eyes and remove the holiday parties. Remove the conflicts. Remove the pressure to buy gifts. Remove any decorative decision making…..….We are 11 months from the next Christmas. Dowe want to change any of these things? You know what?!  I don’t think so!  It wouldn’t be the Holidays if we didn’t have all that.  It is what is!  Just embrace and enjoy!

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February 22, 2018 /
by
22Feb2018

I can still hear him loud and clear.

My father was well known for using this expression, “El hubiera no existe.”  Basically, it translates to more or less:  forget about the “what-ifs” or the “should’ves” because they don’t exist.  He used to get aggravated if any of us seven kids would whine saying “I should’ve done THIS” or “I should have done THAT!!”

This year, on the night of the 24th during the Farrolito Walk on Canyon Road, I had a moment I keep going back to with the “I should’ve…”.  Everyone was in the holiday spirit. The weather was beautiful – not too cold but with enough of a chilly bite in the air so that it felt like Christmas.  The merry spirit of Noel with the “I love you’s, you love me’s, let’s be cheery was in the air floating through the sculptures of Canyon Rd. While we were strolling with a group of friends, I saw out of the corner of my eye a stalled couple.  It was hard to discern what was happening but it appeared that she was fainting. Like the Good Samaritan I think I am, I rushed over to see how I could help them.  The man had managed to get her to sit on the cold sidewalk and was hovering over her.  I asked him what was wrong and how I could help.  He was curt with me and answered back that there were too many people and that she was confused.  I immediately felt this need to leave them alone and give them some privacy.  Strangely enough I turned around and walked away from the couple.

I re-joined my friends who were enjoying the evening so that we could continue walking through Canyon Road. We were quickly submerged into the crowd and I no longer could see the couple.

My reaction has been haunting me since then!  What was I thinking?  What happened to the woman?  Was she okay?  Did they really need help but were too shy to ask for it?  Why did I leave?! I SHOULD have stayed. I SHOULD have tried to help him. I SHOULD have found someone else to help if they didn’t want my help. I SHOULD’VE, I SHOULD’VE , I SHOULD’VE!  But it’s too late.  Like my father used to say, “El hubiera no existe.”  Although it makes sense – I shouldn’t dwell.  It’s over.  It’s past. I still feel guilty. My father would not have been proud of me. In my head I explain to my dad, “I’m sorry. I’m generally more assertive!” Something did lead me to believe that the woman needed privacy.

This year I didn’t make any New Year’s Resolutions. No diets. No exotic trips. No “re”designing myself.  However, after my encounter on Canyon Road, I do have one focus for the year 2018: I AM GOING TO TRY TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT ANY “I SHOULD’VES.” This year will be about action and no regret.  Let’s do it!

 

I would love to hear from you….write me at guada755@outlook.comt

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December 7, 2017 /
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7Dec2017

It is 5:45pm and it is time for me to meet one of my good friends. We are going to have a cocktail, catch up on our lives and talk about politics, fashion, men, fashion, men, politics, men, fashion, men, men and men. We are meeting at one of my favorite places. I have a few. I apply my lipstick, brush my pony tail, click my shoes and get in my car. As I get to the place, I notice the street is empty. The town is empty like a ghost town from a Western movie. There are no people or cars around and it feels chilly out. I hesitate a minute and then park my car in a Loading Zone but I figure it is not being used since it is almost 6pm. I go in to meet my friend.

After a couple of hours, we kiss goodbye and I walk back to my car. And there it is!!!!! It is on the windshield of my car bright yellow and shining like Christmas lights . . . a F&$@%# parking ticket! When I see the $42 Loading Zone parking ticket, I think I literally screamed in my mind like Tarzan in the Jungle!! I thought what the #%$&!!! I wish I could have seen the person who wrote the ticket. I could have made Sushi out of him!

I do not know what it is about parking tickets but I hate them! I know, I know . . . I was too lazy to drive half a block more to avoid parking in a Loading Zone but I felt like nobody was around. It was late. It was 5:45pm for Christ’s sake! Where do these creatures come from that they suddenly come out of the shadows to write parking tickets? Are they skinny things hiding behind light poles and street signs? I did not see anyone but then boom. They come out of nowhere and write parking tickets.

If I ever have time in my busy schedule, I would like to write the Mayor and City Council to ask, “What are you guys doing to us!? Why are you making it so difficult and expensive in this place to find parking?” I know the city gets revenue from the parking meters. If I am correct, it is $1 million. (Do not quote me!!) I think if they made parking easier, people would come downtown more. The retail stores and restaurants would do more business if people did not have to go to so much trouble and expense to park. You do not have to be Einstein to know the tax revenue generated from more business would exceed the money from the parking meters!

There is something psychological about paying for parking that we do not like. Here we are going to a restaurant not wanting to pay $2/hr. for parking when our restaurant bill will be $50 or $60. Why do we dislike it so much? It is not exactly dislike. We hate so much to pay for parking?!!

I do not know why but I know I am not alone in this. We know you hate to pay for parking, too. So here at Goler when you come to shop with us, WE will PAY for your parking in the La Casa Sena lot behind the store.

Larry, the owner of Design Warehouse, on his own time goes around collecting money from the local stores so that for the two weeks before Christmas, parking is free for you. (Thank you, Larry, for all your hard work!)

I think I am going to therapy about this. In the meanwhile, Happy Holidays and come to Goler! We will pay for your parking with a purchase . . . anytime of the year.

Fashion, Life Lessons, Lifestyle, Storytelling
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August 16, 2017 /
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16Aug2017

It deeply affects me when I hear about someone getting a divorce or breaking up from a long relationship.  When I hear this, I KNOW the person is going through a profound crisis.  Inevitably I go back to my own break-ups and I remember how people would talk to me.  They would look at me lovingly and sorrowfully saying, “I’m SO sorry.”  It would not be what I wanted to hear.   Instead they should have said, “Welcome to a new chapter in your life!!!”  Breakups and divorces whether romantic, work or friendship associated are always opportunities.  “What does the Universe have holding for me now?” It is helpful to remember that every relationship in our lives serves as a life lesson. Every single person who has passed through our lives has contributed to our growth.

When a relationship ends, our soul literally goes into a crisis mode. I imagine that if you were to take an X-ray of our soul when we are broken, it would be twisted and injured, swollen and hurt.  But when we are in love, I imagine that our souls undergo a similarly drastic change.  It glows.  It is warm and energetic.  Being in love is also like taking an irresistible cocktail of emotions…And I thought tequila was bad…

The Chinese character for the word CRISIS is composed by two words overlapping that describe the situation.   “In Every Crisis Lies the Seed of Opportunity.” We do feel overwhelmed and devastated with loss. The feelings that come to surface deeply hurt us. We only see the time WE have invested in this relationship but we seem to forget that our investment was done by the other party, too. The loss goes both ways.

This makes me think of an expression that I heard when I first moved here …. How does that expression go?  It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?  Yes, that’s it. That’s very much it!

IF YOU HAVE COMMENTS EMAIL ME DIRECTLY… GUADA755@OUTLOOK.COM

I LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS

Fashion, Life Lessons, Lifestyle, Storytelling
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August 16, 2017 /
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16Aug2017

My lips are puckered up like duck lips.  My hair sways back and forth mimicking my hips.  My eyes are sultry bedroom eyes. This is not Marilyn Monroe in “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend”.   This is just ME! My imagination runs wild when I dance.  I visualize myself moving like a character in a movie – but this is a secret. Please don’t tell anyone that I go into this trance.  Music on the Hill in Santa Fe is the perfect stage for me to fall into my trance-like dance state. I look around and I can see that I’m not the only one feeling the music, twisting, twirling and making sexy faces. It seems to me that the people around me are into their own trance-like dance.

Ohhh, yeaahhh. They start playing a Brazilian samba, one of my favorite rhythms! Here I come to dance!! As I walk out to the dance area, I transform into a Carioca Brazilian Dancer. I don my beautifully embellished costume with feathers coming out of my headdress and my ass! I don’t care if I poke somebody’s eye with them. All of us in the dance area are twisting and writhing in our own ecstasy. The afternoon is stunning. And by stunning I mean a typical sunset in Santa Fe –  little bits of blues and pinks filtering through the rays of sunlight.  It’s so damn beautiful that it’s cheesy! On these dance days we all love each other, call each other “sweetie,” “darling,” and “baby”.  Now the Brazilian music changes to a classic song from the 70’s, Aquarius…….Aquariusssss!!

I remember when I arrived in the US in the 70’s, people would dance to all the peace lovin’, groovy tunes.  Back then I was scandalized that women would be braless.  Their breasts would move up, down, and all over around. And men didn’t even wear underwear! This was not the time for Victoria’s Secret and definitely not the time for stilettos.  Today most of us are dancing barefoot, feeling the grass in between our toes and letting our imagination have us believe that we are a reincarnated combination of Marilyn Monroe and free spirited sex fiend from the 70’s.

I feel raindrops.  It’s time for me to leave. As I walk toward my friends, I leave a trail of my imagination of characters behind me. I’m sharing this secret with you because I know MY SECRET is safe with you!!!

IF YOU WANT TO SHARE YOUR OWN STORIES WITH ME, VISIT MY BLOG, J4KICKS.COM OR EVEN BETTER, COME AND SEE ME AT THE STORE.

Fashion, Lifestyle
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June 14, 2017 /
by
14Jun2017

Back in the 60’s when I was a little girl… ahem, a VERY little “girl,” my parents used to send us to spend our summer breaks in Mexico City where my aunt lived. My two sisters and I were put on the night train so that by morning, we would be in the city. We could hardly sleep through the night. The excitement of going to the city was too grand to get any rest! As we lay on our bed on the train, we would periodically peek out the window- but it was always pitch black. Eventually sleep would find us in the wee hours of the morning and we would wake up with the extreme halt of the train, finding ourselves in the gigantic city.  My Aunt Carmen would be there to receive us.  Year after year, the excitement would always be the same. We knew that she would take us to museums, the state fair which had the biggest roller coaster I had ever experienced, and we would also get to spend weekends in Cuernavaca.  It was way better than staying at home!

My sisters and I were on our BEST behavior. If we started becoming difficult to manage during our visit, we knew that our chances to stay longer would decrease.  My Aunt Carmen lived with her husband, Clemente, and their daughter, Tete. I can understand now that they lived a middle-upper class life and lived in a middle-upper class apartment in Mexico City. But as it is usual in a big city, the apartment was not very big so we were all in each other’s way.  In order to accommodate us, we would have to sleep in the living room which was perfectly exciting and fun for my sisters and me.

My Uncle Clemente was a writer and most of his life he wrote radio novels. You know radio novels were big time before TV, before Netflix, before podcasts! One of his famous characters was  Kaliman… Google him! Every day we would wake up with my Uncle Clemente blasting opera music. He would say that the music would stimulate his creativity and imagination. He was a massive chain smoker so there would be ash trays all over the house mostly filled with half smoked cigarettes. He would go into a different dimension when he would write.  We didn’t exist for him during this time, his mind full of scenes and dialogues. My sisters and I wouldn’t mind waking up with Maria Callas in our ear.  To us it reminded us that we were in the big city and that’s all that mattered. We would awaken in the room full of cigarette smoke and we’d quietly get up trying to stay out of his way as he paced up and down through the apartment. The floors were made out of wood so we would tiptoe quietly to a part of the apartment where we would not disturb him.

I wish he was still alive.  Now as an adult I can see that he was brilliant with his creativity and very smart, savvy.  He didn’t care what people thought of his eccentric ways.  He just did what he knew best to do- write! I never told him how these summers around him influenced me, how they inspired curiosity in the artistic process, appreciation for the eccentric and the adoration for the imagination.

We as human beings are a product of our childhood. If you come into the store, you can see me pacing up and down the store blocking out everything around me as I’m narrating my thoughts and emotions to one of my colleagues as she types furiously to catch up with my thoughts.

Who was that person in your life that inadvertently made you who you are?

Write me!  Guada755@outlook.com

Copyright 2017 Just 4 Kicks. All Right Reserved.