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March 13, 2018 /
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13Mar2018

One thing that consoles me about getting older is that I have gathered wisdom with my age or at least I hope so!  Like all of us, years of situations and relationships have been great learning experiences and these learning experiences I take into my next situations or relationships.  We learn and gather information and then we try to keep only what is valuable and useful.  That is wisdom to me.  I also have learned that the only sure thing is that NOTHING IS FOR SURE!  Just when you think that the planets are aligning for you and things are going your way, you can blink your eyes and POOF! It all changes!  But the same happens when you think everything is NOT going your way. You might think that everything is going to hell and yet some miracle suddenly happens!

I have been thinking about how this goes for our romantic relationships, too!  Being in a relationship is like playing Russian Roulette.  You can put all your chips on one number and color and you see the ball bouncing around as the roulette spins. There it goes spinning fast.  You can’t really see the numbers but you do see the white ball moving from black to red from 10 to 4 to 16 until finally it stops on a totally different number and totally different color than you chose.  You lose all your chips.  If you are lucky, you are left with one last lucky chip. You feel miserable, lost and a loser. You put that single chip on a random number.  You feel hopeless.  And suddenly, VOILA!!!! You win and the house pays double and you start winning again!!

I love my life and I love my work.   My store gives me the opportunity to talk to so many people. I enjoy talking with couples and asking them how many years they have been married and, of course, I get all different numbers as you can imagine from 1 to 60. I like to ask these couples to reveal the recipe for a long and successful marriage.  You should see the facial expressions I get!  You would think that I am asking them what is going to be the next winning lottery number!

My personal theory about a good relationship is willingness. To me WILLINGNESS encompasses so much; willingness to be patient, willingness to forgive, willingness to be selfless etc. . . . Of course, I hear all the expected answers from couples: good communication, tolerance, open mindedness. We all know this.  However, I think there are a lot of other LOGICAL things that make for successful marriages or partnerships.  Here’s a list!

  1. Having your own bathrooms.
  2. Spending time and engaging with the other’s family.
  3. Enjoying the same restaurants or foods at home.
  4. Loving the same pet.
  5. Having an affinity for the other’s hygiene habits (or non-habits)!
  6. Equally seeing the importance of staying attractive for one another.
  7. Allowing the other to drive in peace with no passenger commentary!
  8. Happily participating in parties or movies or anything the other likes to do (even though the other one doesn’t particularly enjoy it)!
  9. Decide that if politics are discussed, make sure you are on the same page. Otherwise, don’t talk politics.
  10. Having the same moral values.
  11. Biting your tongue when your partner contradicts you in front of your kids.
  12. If one of you needs to talk, let that person talk even if you are fake listening for hours!
  13. If you are a shoe lover, always have enthusiasm for every new pair your partner brings home!

The list can go on and on. Will you help me to increase it?  Write me and let me know what yours are.

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February 26, 2018 /
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26Feb2018

I have been absolutely riveted by the winter Olympics this year in Korea.  For me, a walk down Canyon Road is an intense workout!! Honestly, I do not stress about it.  It is what it is.  At least I CAN walk!  I know that I have other talents!!
I love watching these amazing athletes. I wish I could spend one day in their shoes!  I would love to feel what it is like to train hard . . . to take myself to my most physical capacity . . . feel the win . . . feel the loss.  By the time these athletes are qualified to be in the Olympics they have had a whole life of dedication to their sport.  Even the fifteen year old Olympian has known the same kind of dedication as the 40 year old Olympian.

I love to admire the athlete’s look of determination; their fit bodies; the concentration they emit and the elegance and grace of each sport. Their bodies are truly a tribute to human kind.  Let’s remember the Greeks who strove for perfection in the human form.  They used athletes as models. For someone like me who appreciates beautiful design and fashion, I adore their hi-tech, slick sport suits and the aerodynamic eye protection they wear.

I have seen tiny women like the gold medal winning and petite Japanese 500 meter speed skater who just killed it with her fierceness on the ice.  I saw the American Bobsled Team walk away unscathed after their cart tilted at the speed of 80 MPH! When we saw them crash, the whole world held their breath until they stood up like nothing had happened. But the team that won my heart was the Jamaican Bobsled Team. You read it well: JAMAICA !!!!!!!!  I was so impressed by their story.  They had the drive, tenacity, faith and CREATIVITY to figure out how to do the sport even without the right facility or equipment!

I also find amusing that regardless of which country, gender or sport, all the athletes look like a mess when they remove their hi-tech head gear.  They are all sweaty and their hair is a mess and they are ALL worried about what their hair looks like!  LOL!  Of course, they were just putting 200% of themselves into their sport!!  (Maybe the figure skaters still look fine).  You can see them all preoccupied with fixing their hair even if they just won a gold medal – or lost one – they are all worried about their hair dos!!
But in this very diametrically opposite world, we have had extremely sad news.  The violence happening in our schools, innocent kids being gunned down.  It’s unbearable. The National Rifle Associate recorded a total of $11.7 billion earned last year with a $993 million PROFIT!  Like everyone else, especially the students themselves wish that this money was invested in sports and education for our youth. I must say that I am biased about this subject since I have my nieces in college and my grandchildren in the high schools. I’m just like YOU.  I want my children to be safe AND I want them to get the best education.

Right now there is a terrible environment of fear.  The kids are fearful going to school.  The parents fear sending their kids to school.  Just in New Mexico several schools have been receiving threats and everyone is terrified.

A couple of weeks ago, I was coming back from a business trip and as we were in line to board the plane, I had a quick glimpse of the news on the television. They were broadcasting a threat that was occurring in one of the universities in Florida. My heart stopped since my niece is at the University of Tampa!  But I was being pushed along to board the flight. Throughout the whole flight the worst thoughts came through my mind.  It seemed like an eternity before we finally landed and found out she was not in that particular university.

We have to live with this new reality…
I know it is too late for me to learn how to be a figure skater or a speed skater, bobsledder or slalom skier.  In the meantime, I will continue to admire them and wonder what it would be like to be in their shoes.  They might be wondering what it is like to have such an amazing shoe closet at their fingertips!!

I love hearing from you!  Guada755@gmail.com

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February 22, 2018 /
by
22Feb2018

Phewww!!!!!

Finally, the holidays are over!  Ummm, yea. It has taken me all of this time to finally have all the holiday paraphernalia boxed up and put away in storage!

Speaking for myself, the holidays went by happily and smoothly. No drama, no fights, no uncomfortable dinner . . . well just “poquito.” I did not have issues this year with any immediate family, ex-girlfriends, ex-boyfriends or any ex-in laws, and let’s not forget business related exes!   But I definitely can’t say the same for what I have observed with other people. Every year it is the same.  Holidays seem to bring out the worst in people and relationships.

My mother always said, “How can we expect peace in this world if we can’t have peace in our own families?”  I have to admit that there is much truth in her wise words. When I ask other people how the holidays went for them, they roll their eyes and say things like, “I wanted to kill my sister the entire time” or “My mother was very difficult!” or “One more day of holidays and I would have had to be placed in a mental hospital!” And, of course, I heard multiple times,  “I am glad the holidays are over!”

It’s true that familial relationships are hard.  Sometimes our friends are closer to us than our own siblings.  We can find understanding, compassion and simple friendship in others before we find it in our families so it seems.   The stories I hear about people’s in-laws are mild compared to the stories written by Stephen King!  As human beings we are such unnecessarily complicated creatures!  Most of the time we make our own situations worse than they need to be. We hold grudges from years and years ago and around Christmas times these grudges all take a bigger shape that looms over us and clouding up the festivities.  They are hidden scars, deep inside our brains and hearts and they keep us from enjoying ourselves. They leave us emotionally exhausted and we wonder what the hell is happening!

The great irony is that ultimately we all want the same things:  to enjoy ourselves, each other, to have and to be enough.

The Universe chose that I be raised in a country, city, school and family that was very Catholic.  My Christmas memories are actually very joyful ones. I remember the big nativity that we would put up in our home. I would envision what it would have been like during the time that Christ was born. I remember the grandiose and moving  Christmas Mass at Church. My school used to put up “Posadas” various nights in December. It was so festive!

But, it is not fair for me to compare those memories with what my eyes witness now as an adult.  Adulthood changes everything.  We become involved in the conflicts and the tensions.  As a kid, you are oblivious to this. As adults, we have the pressure of being responsible for the presents, holiday dinners and decorations. We have to make a decision if we are going to do the Canyon Rd walk or not?Or just the lights on the Plaza or dinner first?  Or dinner after?  Should we go to midnight mass? No time? Where should we open presents?  In the car in between one dinner and another?!  It’s too cold out to walk. I don’t have the right shoes like you but I am hungry!!!!! ARGH!

Just for a minute let’s forget about all of the holiday issues.  Close your eyes and remove the holiday parties. Remove the conflicts. Remove the pressure to buy gifts. Remove any decorative decision making…..….We are 11 months from the next Christmas. Dowe want to change any of these things? You know what?!  I don’t think so!  It wouldn’t be the Holidays if we didn’t have all that.  It is what is!  Just embrace and enjoy!

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February 22, 2018 /
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22Feb2018

I can still hear him loud and clear.

My father was well known for using this expression, “El hubiera no existe.”  Basically, it translates to more or less:  forget about the “what-ifs” or the “should’ves” because they don’t exist.  He used to get aggravated if any of us seven kids would whine saying “I should’ve done THIS” or “I should have done THAT!!”

This year, on the night of the 24th during the Farrolito Walk on Canyon Road, I had a moment I keep going back to with the “I should’ve…”.  Everyone was in the holiday spirit. The weather was beautiful – not too cold but with enough of a chilly bite in the air so that it felt like Christmas.  The merry spirit of Noel with the “I love you’s, you love me’s, let’s be cheery was in the air floating through the sculptures of Canyon Rd. While we were strolling with a group of friends, I saw out of the corner of my eye a stalled couple.  It was hard to discern what was happening but it appeared that she was fainting. Like the Good Samaritan I think I am, I rushed over to see how I could help them.  The man had managed to get her to sit on the cold sidewalk and was hovering over her.  I asked him what was wrong and how I could help.  He was curt with me and answered back that there were too many people and that she was confused.  I immediately felt this need to leave them alone and give them some privacy.  Strangely enough I turned around and walked away from the couple.

I re-joined my friends who were enjoying the evening so that we could continue walking through Canyon Road. We were quickly submerged into the crowd and I no longer could see the couple.

My reaction has been haunting me since then!  What was I thinking?  What happened to the woman?  Was she okay?  Did they really need help but were too shy to ask for it?  Why did I leave?! I SHOULD have stayed. I SHOULD have tried to help him. I SHOULD have found someone else to help if they didn’t want my help. I SHOULD’VE, I SHOULD’VE , I SHOULD’VE!  But it’s too late.  Like my father used to say, “El hubiera no existe.”  Although it makes sense – I shouldn’t dwell.  It’s over.  It’s past. I still feel guilty. My father would not have been proud of me. In my head I explain to my dad, “I’m sorry. I’m generally more assertive!” Something did lead me to believe that the woman needed privacy.

This year I didn’t make any New Year’s Resolutions. No diets. No exotic trips. No “re”designing myself.  However, after my encounter on Canyon Road, I do have one focus for the year 2018: I AM GOING TO TRY TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT ANY “I SHOULD’VES.” This year will be about action and no regret.  Let’s do it!

 

I would love to hear from you….write me at guada755@outlook.comt

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November 14, 2017 /
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14Nov2017

If you live in this country, you have probably noticed the latest scandal about the movie producer Harvey Weinstein. A slew of actresses have stood up to him and now he’s involved in a whirl of sexual misconduct allegations.  Finally, right?!!  I have been asking myself, why now though?!  Everyone is reacting differently than other times- paying attention now.  But men using their power over women, in a sexual way, has been happening since the beginning of mankind.

When I was a young teenager I was going to school at night.  In order to pay for my schooling, I worked as a receptionist at a local car dealership.  I was quite proud to be paying for my own schooling.   My boss at the time, was a very powerful man in the car industry.  He would often make passes at me while I was simply doing my job as a receptionist- with no pressing aspirations to be the top receptionist (!!).  I didn’t particularly humor his attention- I neither engaged in it, nor did I get overly offended about it.  One thing that is not talked about is that women are SO OFTEN exposed to being objectified that it blurs into normality.  We often just shrug it off.

But men who behave this way _ it should be noted that NOT all men do this- don’t realize how we women see them.  I was sooooo young and he looked like a very old and decrepit man to me. I didn’t find him the least bit attractive but I’m sure he thought his money made him look like Brad Pitt! After several passes I did start to get creeped out to the point that one day I decided not to go back to work.

I have to confess something however.  This was back in the 70’s when mini skirts were all the rage and part of every woman’s wardrobe.  I wonder if I was too exposed?  Did I offer opportunity to be oogled, touched, and spoken to with “intention.”  This bothers me and yet I am judgmental about it myself.   Why can we not be sexualized… or on the other hand, why can we not enjoy our physicality without drawing negative sexual attention?  The 70’s was before the concept of “slut shamming” had even been brought to light.  For years I lived wondering if I set myself up for these unprofessional advances.  But really, should we women dress like nuns in order to be taken seriously or to protect ourselves from unwanted attention?  Come on.

If you truly got to know me you would see that I often make light of serious matters.  I think humor is a great way for us to get ideas across to ourselves or to others.  So let’s turn the tables here for a second!  Imagine that the fashion now for men was similar to the 1700’s when men would wear snug fitting tights that exposed all their jewels.  Am I allowed to say that?!  As a woman, would you not be able to help yourself from staring at them?  Would you whistle, or say something playful about their looks?  Imagine my customers calling my sales guys “darling” or “babe”!  Or maybe I have a male customer walk in wearing a Roman outfit, legs exposed, donning gladiator sandals and my sales girls would lasciviously try to sell him some shoes while her eyes traveled to every inch of his muscles.

That’s what it’s like!!!

Or alternately- women get pressured into sexual situations in order to gain favor for a job or a position, but then there are the women who are not “attractive” or “older” and are given NO opportunity based on their looks.  This is infuriating.

But I like to think that today is different from yesterday since women, we can speak out against this kind of behavior.  This doesn’t mean that anything changes or that anything will be done about it.  At the very least, we can stand our ground.  If it has to be a recognized, accomplished actress to speak out to make people take notice- so be it.  At least the media has found it interesting enough (for their ratings) that the attention gives us some combined power,  #MeToo!

I also think that times have changed because I know many men who do not fall into objectifying women.  I know men that take women seriously- in all ways.  They honor their femininity and they honor their intellectual equality and capacity.  I’m sure you know some of these men too.

I know this is a touchy subject, but I am sure everyone- men and women, are taking a moment to reassess certain behavior thanks to Harvey Weinsteins’s transgressions.

I’ll close this Pandora box for now and go open some shoe boxes!!

Share your thoughts with me at guadalupegoler755@gmail.com or visit my blog at j4kicks.com and please leave a comment.

Guadalupe Goler

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August 9, 2017 /
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9Aug2017

I’m not sure what’s going on in Santa Fe but… I feel there is an extraordinary amount of bad ass women that live here! It seems that all of my friends and even the women that I just meet in the shoe store, are empowered, hard working, successful, intelligent, deep thinking and feeling women! And of course they all have good taste in shoes! Is it just me that notices this phenomenon? Does Santa Fe have some powerful energetic magnet that draws incredible women here?

The drawback that I noticed about this however is that there are too many amazing women and too few men to match them in this town. You all know this too: there are way too many single women here! While we women are great at satisfying and fulfilling one another with our friendship, we need our counterparts (I.e. the opposite sex) to balance us out and to connect with. There MUST be men here who are equally as extraordinary! And I don’t mean exclusively for relationships but for true friendships as well. Gay men count for this too!

I feel like about 10 or 15 years ago, I had some incredible friendships with outstanding men here. They were deep thinking, loving, emotionally connected, and very masculine men. And no, no I’m not talking about lovers! These guys were just my friends! It was so wonderful to have them in my life, bouncing off ideas and experiences with one another. … I guess you could say they were platonic lovers, lovers of life and of exploring experiences together. . One by one they started vanishing, either they got into serious relationships or they literally just disappeared! Sadly, a couple of my closest friends passed away.

I have nostalgia for those friendships. They were very satisfying.

Where are these men? Are you at Home Depot? In the galleries? Stuck in Starbucks? Or are you off on some spiritual retreat with no return? In any case, we women miss you! Come back! We are thirsty for these friendships… there is a severe drought.

Fashion, Life Lessons, Lifestyle, Storytelling
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August 9, 2017 /
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9Aug2017

My Mother.  She’s like an illuminated two-story house glowing white, grounded on a hill on the top of my mind.

Both mi Madre and my home are clean and orderly smelling of Mexican house cleaner- do you know that smell? I love it!! Ask any Mexican. It is the coziest ever! This house of my Mother in my mind’s eye is very white; it almost glistens.  The windows are always open because it is warm outside with the curtains flowing in the soft breeze. This house has many rooms and each one is filled with light. I can always find my Mother in this house.

My Mother is 87 years old and little by little, the light in each individual room has been starting to dim as her health has also been dimming. I have witnessed her lights going out; sometimes suddenly, sometimes gradually.  When one of the lit rooms extinguishes I say to myself, “Oh no. That room doesn’t have light anymore! But this white house still glows for me; my Mother is still there for me.”  I often feel scared.  I wonder if my children, now adults, see me the same way as I see my Mother.  Am I the same strong, warm, illuminated foundation for them?  Will my lights start going out eventually?

Although my Mother is fading into the darkness of dementia and Alzheimer’s, I can still call on her and she is still thrilled to talk to me even though she does not know not how old I am, where I am or what I am doing.  She is still perfectly glowing, warm and orderly for me.  Her voice will always be my home. The front porch light still shines.

Tell me about your Mother.  Write me at

Guada755@outlook.com

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